Hi everyone!
April Fools' has come and gone, meaning I've been in the UK for two months now. It's been quite the ride so far, and it hasn't been all that great, but I've noticed a bit of a change in the past few days. For the first time since I got here, I actually feel like I'm enjoying myself. In fact, if you'd ask me to be completely honest, I'd have to say that I'm actually enjoying life for the first time in quite a while. I haven't looked forward to getting up in the morning like this as much since summer.
Life is starting to set into a bit of a routine, and that's always helpful. From working out every morning before work to enjoying a fruit-break in the afternoon (I can't believe how much better fruit tastes since I gave up smoking. Mangos are the best thing in the world), a day filled with things to look forward to is a day worth living. I missed that back at home, and as much as life in the Big Smoke has s*cked at times, there have been plenty of moments where I simply felt better than I had in a long time.
Work is great. I had over 600.000 readers in March, pushing my total over the mark of one million. I realise I'm just a cog in the B/R-machine, but that number makes it feel like I had an impact. I was noticed; I was here. I did something, created things, and people read it. Not just my parents and friends, but strangers from all over the world. The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, both from bosses/co-workers and the average reader. My bosses seem to be satisfied with my output and I'm complimented on both the quality of my work and my work-ethic every day. With all of the menial jobs I've held in the past few years, this much job satisfaction is a refreshing experience (okay, it's not surfcoaching, but what is?) and I actually feel like I matter, like what I do matters. I love writing, and the fact I get to do it for a living is not evident in 2014, where people my age usually settle for far less.
I had my first guided tour of London today, although that description might be pushing it. Literally the first thing my tour guide did was ask directions to Covent Gardens. She then proceeded to get lost in the centre of London, proudly told me she knew where we were when we entered Picadilly Circus (really?), pointed out the fact it was Picadilly Circus while we were both looking at a massive sign which, obviously, read 'Picadilly Circus' and needed me to point out the location of Speakers' Corner.
Of course, none of that mattered. She happened to be the very first person I've met here in London who was nice to me without getting paid to do so (no, I don't mean prostitutes) or having to do so on the account of working with me. I had a blast pacing the centre of London with this odd 5'2" local beside me, and despite the fact we visited one of the most renowned tourist traps in all of Europe, I did feel like a local for the first time. It didn't hurt that she was a really nice, fun person (she enjoys watching Glee and Hunger Games and supports Spurs, but we all have a dark side)(yes, click that link please) and didn't seem to mind my general weirdness.
With the amount of time I've spent on my job so far, I think I forgot how enjoyable social contact can be. Ironically, I'll be missing the birthday party of the best friend I have here in London because of work, but I'll be with you in spirit Elise. I also saw the perfect birthday present today, so we'll have to meet up soon regardless. Tell Conrad the pizza was mediocre at best, but I've found my spot since then. Last but not least, some of my best friends might be in the city next week and there's no way we're not checking out The World's End in Camden, and I think it would be really cool if you could grace us with your presence, if only for a little while.
The biggest development since I last sat down to write this blog is some very exciting news, but it's far too early to get into that. I've always been an impulsive person (far too impulsive in fact) and I'm trying to change that, but let's just say my relocation to London could become less permanent for another reason than me having to go back home. People often make the distinction between running from something and running towards something, and I've yet to figure out what it is I've been doing for the last six years. I'd like to think it's been a search, but I've always had a hard time convincing myself of that fact.
If there's anything anyone should take from this ridiculous entry, I guess it's that I have the feeling I'm doing fine :) sure, none of the problems that have haunted me since I made the move to this gigantic city (it's really massive guys) have been resolved, but for the first time since I got here, I'm not letting any of that bother me. I feel excellent physically, and as far as I can tell, I'm more mentally stable than I've been in along time. I still have some very dark thoughts from time to time and my mind will wander into places it should never go, but I've enjoyed torturing myself for so many years now, I don't see any reason to stop it. I love the fact I get to talk to my dad nearly every week and I can't wait to go back home and see all of you again, but not because I no longer want to be here. I'd still rather be in a different place, but for the very first time since I got here, I can believably say that I feel being here right now is good for me.
That said, I couldn't be more excited some of my friends might be coming down here in two weeks. I miss you guys, more than you know. Contrary to past years, when I'd ditch the lot of you to go be Mr. Sexy Surfdude, I now finally realise the strain I put on all of you by always leaving. And I'm sorry, I really am. It's selfish, and I never realised how truly remarkable it is that you're still there whenever I get back home. No, things aren't always the same, and there have been times where I almost didn't feel welcome, like you'd all moved on. Which would have been more than understandable. But you didn't. You'd allow me back in, take time out of your schedules for me, and when we'd get around to seeing each other, I'd be part of the gang.
I don't think I've ever thanked you for that. So thank you, really. I never had many friends growing up, and I always felt like I didn't belong. You guys changed that, and especially you two, Vincent and Lieven. I know the latter has found his own way and has pulled away from us in recent times (you have no idea how happy I am for you though, and I really, really hope things keep working out for you. I can't think of many people more deserving) while the former was perhaps the one who was hurt most by my neglect, and I really wish I'd have gotten drunk enough to let you guys know how dear you were to me while I still lived in the same area code. I went through some pretty bad patches man, and there were a lot of dark thoughts. I don't think I'd be here if it wasn't for you two.
Okay, that was way too serious.
So yeah. Things are't perfect, but life never is. There are times we might look around us and feel like time could stop and we'd be eternally happy, but something crappy usually happens right after that. And yes, there's an alternate timeline to all of this that still is so much more appealing than the one I'm currently in, but I should really cut back on the fictional approach -- that already featured quite extensively in previous posts.
But overall, this is probably the best I've felt since I left for London, and by extension, the best I felt since summer. The surf-season is coming up and it really s*cks. There's no waves anywhere near London and I don't have my boards or anything with me, and I'm sort off starting to regret choosing a different life as this will be the first time since I graduated middle school that I won't be joining my surf-friends in France for summer. But I did in fact make this choice, and it's too late to turn back now. Nothing is ever truly permanent, but I have to ride this out at least. And as of right now, it doesn't seem like such a drag.
Take care guys. Talk to you soon.
Song of the day: Franz Nicolay - For My Next Trick I'll Need a Volunteer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
(Sorry guys, April Fools'. Actual link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUMq7anqcd0 )
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