On the Holiday Season and the New Year

“It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning——
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” 
-F Scott Fitzgerald


Hey everyone.

I'm sorry it's been a while since I last wrote you. If I have to be completely honest, I wasn't planning on doing it again. I made the decision to retire this blog a couple of weeks ago, and after going back and forth on whether or not to write up a goodbye, I ultimately decided against it. I use writing as a form of therapy, and I recently discovered another outlet that suits me better than this sort of semi-journal, in which I have to censor myself in fear of writing things you might not want to read, or can't really fully express myself. The fact my last update was read by pretty much no one at all didn't help, either (writers are vain by their very definition--they need an audience). Of course, just as I had made my decision, three of you had to go and ask me when the next update was going to come in the span of four days. So, understand I'm doing this for you, and not for me, as I'm want to do.

The holiday season is nearly over, and I couldn't be happier. I used to love the holidays, but for some reason, they've always turned into a massive disappointment these past few years, to the point where I now dread them. Apart from the usual reasons to hate the entire business (the awful questions from relatives and friends, having to sit through dinners with people you don't really know and care about even less and the whole contrived nature of the entire process), I've just gotten a personal distaste of it all. Eight months ago I thought I'd be in London right now, coming home for Christmas to meet up with friends and family and counting down the final seconds of this monumental year underneath Big Ben. Instead, I'll be working, while the city of Leuven is literally celebrating and watching the fireworks roughly 30 feet from my door.

Thankfully, Christmas was actually sort of enjoyable this year. I got some pretty cool gifts, had two wonderful dinners (my parents are divorced) and it was over in about 24 hours. I worked pretty much throughout the holiday period and never got into the spirit (the nearly tropical weather certainly had an impact), so all in all, it was okay. These past few weeks have been pretty rough, and it was nice just to have a little break. I guess the holiday period is a time when things can get tough for most of us :) for me personally, I couldn't get over London, among other things. I missed the place so much and got so upset over the fact I came back ,some days got nearly unbearable. 

It's the curse of Christmas, really. This one magical day we pretend is about so much more than what it actually is. To quote the great Abed Nadir: "The meaning of Christmas is that Christmas has meaning." I think I learned that just in time. It's really just a nice night you get to spend with some of the people you care about, make fun over some of the gifts you exchange and be thankful the night is over and won't come back for another year.

On those presents: My mum got me a panini-maker (I really wanted one, so thanks mum), and on that side of the family I also got a gift card for a media store and some lottery tickets (I won nine Euro, little sis. I promised we'd go 50-50, not sure you still want it). My dad asked me what I wanted and I e-mailed him some websites that sold reproductions of Degas and Constable (those are painters, fyi), but he thought the posters were too small for what they were charging. Ultimately, he settled on a really nice London-themed frame I can use to hang up some photos and these awesome grown-men pyamas, almost like Barney Stinson's if I were wearing a tie. Again, awesome gifts, so thank you guys. 

So, what else is new? Very little I guess. I survived the month of December (barely), work is good and I'm not looking forward to January at all. Everyone is either studying or moving abroad for the semester (good luck Wannes and Elise. I'll visit you guys in April!), so things are going to get pretty lonely here in Leuven. I managed to get my birthday off and the next day as well, and if there's anyone up in London down for a drink, I'd love to come over there for a day or two. Not to celebrate or anything--I just need to get away for a day or two, and see the place again. My lease doesn't expire until October, but with nearly everyone graduating and leaving Leuven in the near future, I'm not quite sure what to do to be honest. Things really aren't all that different from six months ago, with the notable exceptions being that I get to see my old friends and family a bit more often, at the cost of no longer living in an awesome city and really sort of stagnating. Somehow, the future looked much brighter in London. But I'm getting carried away. This is the holiday spirit talking, please ignore.

I'm hoping you guys enjoyed the holidays and had a great 2014, and I wish you an even better 2015. Thanks, for being here with me. This past year has been a trip, and while there were a lot of highs and a lot more lows, some of you were with me every step of the way, even if it was only because you read about it a few days later. I'm not going to pretend I had a great year, or that everything is going swell and I managed to find happiness during my little journey. The whole point is that I'm still on my way, still playing the game. I might not be very good at it, but the board is still set. 

Happy New Year, everyone.

PS: Read this f*cking sh*t, or I'm seriously canning it and you can all start following me on Twitter to see how I'm actually doing.


Song of the Day: The Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFAnn2j4iB0