On Insanity and Responsibility

"I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire...I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools."
-William Faulkner

Looking back on these last few weeks, I realise I've let the state of my emotions govern what it is I write a little too much. Writing always works this way -- we try to craft a story that will touch our readers in a way, yet we end up telling our own story, giving up more detail than we had intended. I may have lost sight of what this blog was meant to about a bit, and I'll try to rectify that in this entry. Less emotion, more everyday life. This is after all the tale of my time in London, not a map to the labyrinth that is my mind.

London is cloudy these days. There were a fair number of storms in the days following my return, but they soon made way for continuous rains. Somehow, that's the image people usually have of this place, and in a way, it sort of feels right. I've always loved rainy days. Sure, clouds aren't exactly helpful when you're trying to gaze at the stars (I missed the meteor shower, thank you very much), but there's something purifying about water and the rains. I took a long walk this morning and was completely drenched by the time I got back in, but I don't have work until the day after tomorrow, so I can afford to contract pneumonia. 

I've taken the next step in my attempts to have somewhat of a healthier lifestyle (no word from the doctor yet btw), following my routine of nothing but fruit and yoghurt for breakfast. I've now taken it upon myself to have vegetables for lunch, as my daily diet is seriously lacking in greens. Now, I really like carrots, but having carrots for lunch s*cks. I've literally gone from quarter-pounders with cheese to carrots, and so far, I don't like it. Then again, it can only help my eyesight, right? I mean, have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

At least broccoli is awesome. 

I was contacted by a Korean journalist recently, with a request for an interview on surfers from Belgium. I did a similar piece a while back for a French-Tahitian website, but this one should be more in-depth and professional. It was kind of an odd request, but I did the interview today and provided the reporter with the necessary photos. She promised me a transcript from the article, which will apparently appear in a Korean style magazine, so I'm really hoping the transcript will be in English. I'm going to do my very best to get my hands on an actual copy of the magazine (sounds like a challenge), but I'll also be uploading the transcript when the time comes (the June issue, apparently), for those of you who might be interested. I may or may not have mentioned some of you.

Now, I can't write this entry and not talk about the terrible news of last week, and the impact it has had on a global scale. I've done my very best to avoid posting anything related to Elliot Rodger, and this blog will be my only contribution to the discussion.

I took it upon myself to watch his videos. All of them. And his blogposts, and his instagram. I wanted to understand, and before I knew what was happening, I was sucked into a world of pain and despair. I would not advice anyone to watch even a single video (especially the "Retribution" video. Please, stay away), but I had to. As a member of the media, we hold a responsibility as to what we report, and how we decide to report it. For me, this was a case-study on what my peers were doing, a moment to learn. Or that's how it started, anyway.

I quickly found myself immersed in the writings of a deranged young man, with the kind of world view no sane person could ever agree with. There were certain emotions I could understand, to my horror, but I could never agree with his conclusions, even in his earlier work. This young man had lost all aspects of humanity a long time ago, and it is important we can make the distinction between genuine human emotions and pure selfishness at some point.

This is 2014, but in many ways, we are still living in the dark ages. A woman should not have to explain why she may or may not be interested in a guy. She should not feel pressured into anything just because she wants to have a night out with some friends. She should not have to conjure up the boyfriend-excuse just because a guy is bothering her. Frankly I could write down a million examples here of what woman should not have to put up with, but I shouldn't have to. The simple fact there's still a discrepancy in wages between men and women should tell you all you need to know. 

Elliot Rodger had a family, and I can't even begin to explain how bad I feel for them. For his parents, who tried to raise him to be a responsable young man. For the friends he may have had at some point in life, who might feel like they could have prevented this.

But in the end, Elliot Rodger was responsable for a tragedy of enormous proportions, and he did it on his own. I'm not just talking about the shooting here; that on its own is terrible, and my thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the victims and all who may have been affected by this.

The tragedy has only been enhanced by the media coverage, however, and the fact there is a whole genration of young men not too different of me making him out to be a martyr. The fact some networks out there have the audacity to label the girl who may or may not have rejected him at some point in his life is cruel. Even if she did, she is in no way responsible for Rodger's rampage, yet the media coverage has all but ensured this will haunt her for the rest of her life. His manifest is widely available on the internet at this point, and it shouldn't be. To some people on Reddit he's a hero, and if there's one thing this young man could never be, it's just that.

There's a reason we never report in detail on suicides -- they're contagious. That may sound odd, but there's plenty of scientific research to back this up. Journalists have a code, a deontology, and we have come to the point where this code should be revised. As "juicy" as the news surrounding these events may be, we have to realise the attention we give to these "men" can only serve as insipration for troubled young boys out there who might have similar thoughts.

More importantly, we forget a tragedy like this has victims, whose names and faces should never be forgotten. They can serve as inspiration for a generation of young people trying to eradicate the double-standards this world still holds. As long as young men like Rodger think of women as something which is their right to possess, this world will provide a feeding ground for these kind of rampages. So please, change the discussion. Stop giving attention to a young man who could no longer be helped (for he needed help more than anything) and start switching your point of view to the actual problems. Understand his train of thought was flawed from the very start. And realise he was no longer human by the time he had decided he would pull the trigger. The real human beings are the ones that have to put up with being called "slut" because they decide to wear clothing some people deem to be indecent.

/endrant

This entry completely passed me by. There are so many things I want to write on, things I know I can't put in words. Censorship is a curse, but it can also be a blessing. Nothing monumental happened to me in these last few days, and yet I feel like I'm drawing ever closer to what may be the most important decision of my life. I want to express my feelings, explain why I have found hope in a place I never thought I would look, but I can't. I wish to put into words why I detest things that are flawless, for they can never be perfect. Things that are flawless lack character and personality. I am making absolutely positively zero sense and I know it, and I frankly couldn't care less. I just want to shout. 

These blogs matter to me, and I have to stop myself from uploading one every day. For some reason, they make me feel close to the people I care about the most. I want to know how all of you are doing, how you guys are passing the time. And most of the time, I don't know a goddamn thing. I know it's my own damn fault, but knowing something usually doesn't make coping with it any easier. Knowing a multitude of you are reading this brings me joy in a way I can't explain. I'd really love to be honest with all of you. But stories are never honest. That's usually what makes them great. And holy crap, this paragraph talks a whole lot about "knowing." Honestly, do we ever truly know a thing? Do we ever truly know someone the way we think we do?

I need to stop typing at this point, or this sh*t will get very weird. In case you were wondering, this is pretty much how I imagine Alice felt as she went tumbling down the rabbit hole. Ah, classics. I'm getting my Steinbeck back on these days. Might explain some of these words.


Song of the Day: The Album Leaf - The Outer Banks (From the OC soundtrack).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQoFb44isHQ

(More on The Album Leaf: Seriously underrated band, in the vain of the magnificent Plushgun. If you like this track, be sure to check out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lO4uaMSKMcs , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jYr2fDgn64 and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Plio1u6Z_DM.
As a bonus, Mum's We Have A Map Of The Piano isn't very far off in terms of style (Wicker Park Soundtrack), and they may be featured as song of the day soon enough).