“Depression presents itself as a realism regarding the rottenness of the world in general and the rottenness of your life in particular. But the realism is merely a mask for depression's actual essence, which is an overwhelming estrangement from humanity. The more persuaded you are of your unique access to the rottenness, the more afraid you become of engaging with the world; and the less you engage with the world, the more perfidiously happy-faced the rest of humanity seems for continuing to engage with it.”
“He was lovable the way a child is lovable, and he was capable of returning love with a childlike purity. If love is nevertheless excluded from his work, it's because he never quite felt that he deserved to receive it. He was a lifelong prisoner on the island of himself. What looked like gentle contours from a distance were in fact sheer cliffs. Sometimes only a little of him was crazy, sometimes nearly all of him, but, as an adult, he was never entirely not crazy. What he'd seen of his id while trying to escape his island prison by way of drugs and alcohol, only to find himself even more imprisoned by addiction, seems never to have ceased to be corrosive of his belief in his lovability. Even after he got clean, even decades after his late-adolescent suicide attempt, even after his slow and heroic construction of a life for himself, he felt undeserving. And this feeling was intertwined, ultimately to the point of indistinguishability, with the thought of suicide, which was the one sure way out of his imprisonment; surer than addiction, surer than fiction, and surer, finally, than love.”
-Jonathan Franzen (he's kind of depressing).
The Chinese supposedly have two well-known curses: "May you live in interesting times" (popularised by the fantastic Terry Pratchett novel Interesting Times) and "May you find what you are looking for," a variation of one of the most well-known addages in the English language. Both are rooted in basic human experiences, and the duality of how certain things can be perceived. "Interesting times" sounds like a pleasant alternative to the bland, ordinary lives the vast majority of us lead, but of course, we often come to the realisation those bland, ordinary lives usually end up providing a high level of satisfaction compared to the troubles that come with anything that might be interesting. Likewise, "May you find what you are looking for" draws on the fact we often find the things we wanted the most fall well short of our expectations, leading to disappointment that could have been avoided had we just been content with the status-quo. By the time we realise this, it's too late.
I struggle with this blog because I don't live in "interesting times," and I'm about as far away from finding what it is I'm looking for as can be. In a way, both of those statements are a blessing, despite the fact they sound sad. Writing from London was easy--there was so much new stuff to tell all of you about, and I felt the need to keep in touch with the people at home. Now that I'm back, it all feels rather pointless. There's no need to keep you guys up to speed--you already know what's going on, and the writing material is fairly limited. I lead one of those bland, ordinary lives filled with work, the occasional social encounter and the joys and struggles everybody goes through on a daily basis. Who wants to read about every day life? No one.
The irony is that there is so much I wish to write which shouldn't be put into words, because words have consequences. It's not so much about keeping up appearances as it is about the simple fact some things can't be undone, and some words can't be unspoken (or unwritten). Life must be so easy if you don't give a damn about what may or may not happen as a result of the things you say or do. Ignorance truly is bliss.
So, what's new? As you probably know, I ended up not going to London at all. Friends wanted to meet, my father wanted to help redecorate my new flat and eventually I just ran out of time. It kind of s*cks, but there's still plenty of time. I say this knowing full well I'll probably cancel trips like this again and again, but I do hope to come back real soon.
Work's good, the family is good and friends are good. I had the opportunity to see or talk to several people I hadn't seen or spoken to in a long time, which is obviously pleasant. Ultimately, I'm happy I didn't go to London--my new shelves and the social encounters made it wortwhile.
The holiday season is coming up, and it's going to be a very busy time. As of right now, I won't be working on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but I will be sitting behind my laptop on Boxing Day and when the clocks hit zero to signal the arrival of 2015. The latter is a little saddenning, but also fitting. New Year's Eve somehow always ends up as a major disappointment, and I've spent half of the countdowns in my lifetime working anyhow (slight exaggeration). I've always loved the holiday seasons,but the past few years they've always been some of the most depressing periods of my life. Last year was an absolute disaster (I was a wreck 12 months ago) and I was actually really looking forward to Christmas in The Big Smoke--I've been told it's magical. But I'm sure I'll one day have the opportunity to actually experience it.
The dating scene always makes for odd realisations, and this week was no different. The story is as old as the world itself: You meet a nice lady, hit it off before you start to realise there are just one or two fundamental differences between you that simply can't be overcome. From the trivial over the big stuff, and the simple yet harsh reality you two just don't mesh. I like my suits, my bowties, my fancy shoes and coats that are far too expensive for a f*cking coat. And I won't apologise for that.
That was an odd paragraph, but I have to make this title work (I can't be asked to look for another one) and words -> consequences, if you catch my drift. Some things just can't be unsaid :)
Looks like another short entry filled with trivial nonsense that won't satisfy my limited readership. Welcome to the real world, where little happens, expectations generally fall short and the people you elevate onto a pedestal turn out to be little more than ordinary folks. And let's face it--that's how it should be.
Song of the Day: Mama Cass Elliot-Make Your Own Kind of Music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbSM02_1k34
vrijdag 21 november 2014
maandag 3 november 2014
On Virality and Stagnation
"Well, what I mean is that I shouldn't mind being a bride at a wedding, if I could be one without having a husband."
"Indifference to fate which, though it often makes a villain of a man, is the basis of his sublimity when it does not."
-Thomas Hardy, Far From the Madding Crowd
Hey folks,
I know it's been a while and I wish I had both the time and material on hand to write you a decent entry, but unfortunately, I don't. It's my one day off this week and I still need to get dinner before I meet some friends, so don't expect too much. I don't want to say I've been putting off writing you--the will to write simply vanishes after a workday that concludes at one in the morning.
What I need to share with you: The tale of my five minutes of Twitter fame. For those of you that follow me (a vast minority, as the bulk of you don't give a flying toss about Twitter), you obviously already know what happened. For the rest of you, here's what went down:
A couple of weeks ago I finished work at one (as usual), had some dinner and watched some TV, but when I wanted to go to bed, this group of obnoxious wankers was standing outside my window, singing the same 10-second song over and over again, for hours on end. This was a Saturday or a Sunday I think, Usually a relatively quiet night in Leuven. My mindset went from mildly irritated because I could hear them through my headphones to seriously f*cking p*ssed because I was tired and wanted to sleep. At one point, I got so fed up I filled a bucket with water, perched it on my window sill and tweeted out the question whether I should toss it. I live on the fifth floor of a big building--there was no way they'd spot where it came from.
Naturally, everyone replied yes, so I tossed it and started live-tweeting what happened next. People started tweeting about what I was doing, sending folks to my profile, and one of them is one of our Lead Writers with quite the popular account. So before I knew what was happening, I had dozens of complete strangers tweeting at me, asking for updates and handing out suggestions (something about expired yoghurt). The whole experience was surreal, from the group of wankers downstairs shouting, taking another bucket on the head, getting into a verbal altercation with my neighbours across the street and getting doused by the manager of McDonalds, who followed my example, to the multitude of people online urging me on and proclaiming me the "King of the Internet" for about five minutes.
For those of you who want to read the whole thing: Here's my Twitter account, although you may have to scroll down a week or two (I don't generally tweet that much). I'm not sure whether you need an account of your own to read the stuff. After trying it myself, it took me less than two minutes scrolling, including reading everything I've tweeted since (ugh. I hate reading my own stuff).
So, what else is new? The past few days have been a little rough, but that's kind of the definition of life, anyhow. I titled this post "On Virality and Stagnation," but perhaps the word stagnation is a little harsh. Perhaps 'routine' or "rut' are better. We all get these episodes on occasion, I guess, where you feel life isn't moving forward. You work, eat, excercise, go out with the same people to the same bars twice/week and sleep (don't worry, I love you guys). No progress whatsoever. But then again, progress is something humanity fabricated for the sole purpose of separating oneself from the rest of the pack and in a desperate attempt not to spend too much time contemplating what was, or what was lost. How much progress can one make on a normal day? Not so much I reckon. Sure, I'd like to have the feeling I'm actually going somewhere with my life once every while, but the eternal pessimist in me knows living and surviving are synonymous 90 percent of the time.
For you London kids, my planning currently has two gaps in it where I have consecutive days off: November 12 and 13 (Wednesday and Thursday) and November 20 and 21 (Thursday and Friday). I'm dying to see the city again and hear the chimes of Big Ben (don't mock me. As I explained to some friends last week, we all have these little things that make us nostalgic or happy, ranging from certain smells or sounds to certain songs, places and films. For me, one of those is this), so if you guys could let me know whether you'll actually be around, have work or school and would or would not have a place for me to stay, that'd be awesome (alternatively, I don't mind booking a hotel for the night). Preferably the first dates, as I haven't had a Friday off in months and that could be the perfect opportunity to meet up with some people who work as much as I do.
Alright, it's sushi-time. Talk to you guys later. Enjoy Bonfire Night (please don't post the V for Vendetta-thingy. It's obnoxious) and be safe.
Cheers,
Gianni
Song of the Day: Harry Lauder - It's Nice When You Love a Wee Lassie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ed5AZ_cMpo
Just kidding: Sarah Lee Guthrie and Johnny Irion: Never Too Far From my Heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETA48cdx7Ts
"Indifference to fate which, though it often makes a villain of a man, is the basis of his sublimity when it does not."
-Thomas Hardy, Far From the Madding Crowd
Hey folks,
I know it's been a while and I wish I had both the time and material on hand to write you a decent entry, but unfortunately, I don't. It's my one day off this week and I still need to get dinner before I meet some friends, so don't expect too much. I don't want to say I've been putting off writing you--the will to write simply vanishes after a workday that concludes at one in the morning.
What I need to share with you: The tale of my five minutes of Twitter fame. For those of you that follow me (a vast minority, as the bulk of you don't give a flying toss about Twitter), you obviously already know what happened. For the rest of you, here's what went down:
A couple of weeks ago I finished work at one (as usual), had some dinner and watched some TV, but when I wanted to go to bed, this group of obnoxious wankers was standing outside my window, singing the same 10-second song over and over again, for hours on end. This was a Saturday or a Sunday I think, Usually a relatively quiet night in Leuven. My mindset went from mildly irritated because I could hear them through my headphones to seriously f*cking p*ssed because I was tired and wanted to sleep. At one point, I got so fed up I filled a bucket with water, perched it on my window sill and tweeted out the question whether I should toss it. I live on the fifth floor of a big building--there was no way they'd spot where it came from.
Naturally, everyone replied yes, so I tossed it and started live-tweeting what happened next. People started tweeting about what I was doing, sending folks to my profile, and one of them is one of our Lead Writers with quite the popular account. So before I knew what was happening, I had dozens of complete strangers tweeting at me, asking for updates and handing out suggestions (something about expired yoghurt). The whole experience was surreal, from the group of wankers downstairs shouting, taking another bucket on the head, getting into a verbal altercation with my neighbours across the street and getting doused by the manager of McDonalds, who followed my example, to the multitude of people online urging me on and proclaiming me the "King of the Internet" for about five minutes.
For those of you who want to read the whole thing: Here's my Twitter account, although you may have to scroll down a week or two (I don't generally tweet that much). I'm not sure whether you need an account of your own to read the stuff. After trying it myself, it took me less than two minutes scrolling, including reading everything I've tweeted since (ugh. I hate reading my own stuff).
So, what else is new? The past few days have been a little rough, but that's kind of the definition of life, anyhow. I titled this post "On Virality and Stagnation," but perhaps the word stagnation is a little harsh. Perhaps 'routine' or "rut' are better. We all get these episodes on occasion, I guess, where you feel life isn't moving forward. You work, eat, excercise, go out with the same people to the same bars twice/week and sleep (don't worry, I love you guys). No progress whatsoever. But then again, progress is something humanity fabricated for the sole purpose of separating oneself from the rest of the pack and in a desperate attempt not to spend too much time contemplating what was, or what was lost. How much progress can one make on a normal day? Not so much I reckon. Sure, I'd like to have the feeling I'm actually going somewhere with my life once every while, but the eternal pessimist in me knows living and surviving are synonymous 90 percent of the time.
For you London kids, my planning currently has two gaps in it where I have consecutive days off: November 12 and 13 (Wednesday and Thursday) and November 20 and 21 (Thursday and Friday). I'm dying to see the city again and hear the chimes of Big Ben (don't mock me. As I explained to some friends last week, we all have these little things that make us nostalgic or happy, ranging from certain smells or sounds to certain songs, places and films. For me, one of those is this), so if you guys could let me know whether you'll actually be around, have work or school and would or would not have a place for me to stay, that'd be awesome (alternatively, I don't mind booking a hotel for the night). Preferably the first dates, as I haven't had a Friday off in months and that could be the perfect opportunity to meet up with some people who work as much as I do.
Alright, it's sushi-time. Talk to you guys later. Enjoy Bonfire Night (please don't post the V for Vendetta-thingy. It's obnoxious) and be safe.
Cheers,
Gianni
Song of the Day: Harry Lauder - It's Nice When You Love a Wee Lassie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ed5AZ_cMpo
Just kidding: Sarah Lee Guthrie and Johnny Irion: Never Too Far From my Heart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETA48cdx7Ts
Abonneren op:
Posts (Atom)